Scary Lady

We recieved a resume and cover letter from a lady this week to become a sales lady. I will not reveal the total ugliness of her resume. However, just a few notes from her cover letter---along with my editorial comments. No, not even my most vivd crazy imagination could make up this mess she presented as "professional".
She begins by telling us her name. Then, "I am the proud mother of two adult children as well as the awestruck grandmother of 2 year old miracle, Aurora. My mostly Siamese, part calico cat Angeliqua, lets me share her home in Lynnwood. There we prefer reading and listening to easy jazz to watching TV."

She also states she was the church board president. Then these great words: "Monthly I facilitate the book club at my local public library as well as assist friends with self actualization workshops."

For the sake of your stomach's ability to digest horrible stuff, I will skip to the following: "I have a BA in English, a Master's in Library & Information Studies from the accredited University of Oklahoma and a Washington State teaching certificate."

I have been a ____, _____, ____, and___. "In all of these positions I have had to ask questions and listen to customers to obtain information which had to be processed in some way and communicated back clearly to help them achieve their goals of a home, a trip, the right book or a successful book fair."

My observations: 1. The cat reads? bifocals or contact lenses? 2. If cat prefers easy jazz, does she get the hard jazz? 3. How ugly is a Siamese/calico cat in reality? If you had that unique of a "mutt" cat, would you really brag or hide it with a paper sack? 4. Am glad you have your family, but you cannot bring them to work. 5. Did both her and the cat also run the church board meetings? 6. Do I dare ask? what is self actualization workshops? Is that where you spend alot of time saying/acting/finding me me me me???

And about the English degree. I would recommend she go back and take the unaccredited version of the University of Oklahoma. Make Oklahoma proud. Lastly, what kind of sentence is this last one I quoted--simply 49 words to say absolutely nothing. Someone needs to help her achieve her goals.

After all this ranting, still, God loves her. I am thankful this love will be exhibited some other office--who needs a cat with an affinity for jazz capable of helping others find theirselves and meet their goals. Poor cat!!!